Christmas 2006 Letter

December 2006

Dear Family and Friends,

It is time once again for the annual tradition of summing up an entire year of our lives in a page of bad jokes. We have new sponsor and therefore the letter this year will be referred to as the “Home Depot/Coxe Christmas Letter.”

As many of you know, we had a new cast member join our crew this year. Gavin Andrew Coxe was born on January 11, 2006, a mere nine days early. Julie decided that she didn’t want to know the gender but I said I did. So the doctor wrote it down and we sealed it in an envelope. Julie then thought I knew what it was and kept trying to guess based on my reactions. Of course I hadn’t looked at it which made her efforts pretty funny to me. As for the birth, I barely made it. I was involved in one of those glamorous type lawsuits that John Grisham writes about. There I was, standing over an open sewer in Durham trying to decide if Matthew McConaughey or Tom Cruise would play me in the movie when I got the call that Julie was leaving Bald Head and having contractions. We both had a hard journey to the hospital as Julie was trying to drive, call somebody to take care of Ella when she went to the hospital, and time contractions. I on the other hand was driving home at 95mph trying to find a non-County radio station in Johnston County. So as soon as I walk in the hospital room, it’s Showtime! Just ignore that sewer smell honey and push. 20 minutes later with no drugs (not by choice), Gavin was here. Somehow Gavin was born despite my coaching efforts being ignored. Some people are just uncoachable.

Gavin is a pretty good baby, but he has some odd characteristics. Example: He has gotten four haircuts as of this writing, which I understand is unusual for any babies not of the werewolf persuasion. He was born on a full moon now that I think about it. Ella has adjusted very well and likes to help out with him. She is the one who gave him his current nickname (see below). She occasionally insists that she is “the Mommy.” Hobbes the Cat likes to lead him on a low speed chase around the house, staying just within grabbing range.

Ella completed 3 year old preschool and moved up to the 4 year old class with most of her school friends. We endured the stress of our first real parent/teacher conference. Apparently Ella wins the award for getting dirty the fastest. Getting bigger meant going from the car seat to the booster seat. The next move she makes in the car won’t be until she has her driver’s license (Shudder). I got to pick out the fabric for the booster seat after Julie claimed she didn’t care. So for my car, Ella got the “Fiesta” fabric. It is red, yellow and blue. It looks like Superman! Despite mine and Ella’s approval, as well as the lady in the take-out window at the Wendy’s, I am no longer allowed to pick out “fabric.” Somebody is a little concerned their area of expertise may be usurped.

In the summer, Ella took swim lessons in the summer and did good enough I predict Olympic gold in her future provided the IOC allows Disney Princess swim goggles. Presently, she is taking ballet lessons. All the girls in her class are learning all the moves and how to perform together. So far the closest they have been to the same page is when one wants to go to the bathroom in the middle of class, they all have to go.

We also took her and her cousin Leah to a special show in Fayetteville. What could be better than seeing the Disney Princesses? Try Disney Princesses…On Ice! What can’t be made better by seeing it on ice skates? Let’s try it. Star Trek…On Ice! Blueberry Pancakes…On Ice! Form 1040…On Ice! I think we’ve got something here. Anyway, Ella and Leah both dressed up in respective Princess outfits. Leah was the Little Mermaid. Ella was Snow White. (Not to be confused with the Halloween outfit which was Sleeping Beauty. Apparently she has home and away Princess uniforms). The show was a big hit. They were far from the only little girls with their mouths hanging open for two hours.

The whole family took a trip to Atlanta where the highlight was the new Aquarium. Ella’s favorite part of the Aquarium? A Hemingwayesque answer: “The fish.” Julie and I got to watch a Braves game on a blazing hot August night where the only thing not on fire was the Braves. We did enjoy the air conditioned concourse with the pasta and roast beef stations. Long way from the Carolina League.

Julie continued her regular poker night with her girlfriends. Occasionally they even play a hand between conversations. Some of the hands they play also don’t exactly show up in Hoyle’s Rules. At one point Julie thought a straight could be “wrapped” as in Queen, King, Ace, Two, Three. It is now an official house hand known as the “Julie straight.” I can’t wait to get her to Vega$ and see if she tries it.

The old bachelor pad condo was sold. I did some mighty fine batcholing in that place. Julie somehow got it cleaned and painted with new carpet, windows, and balcony pickets in about a week. After that it took about 2 months to sell. Julie held some open houses on the weekends which strangely enough sounded like her baking cookies and eating them at a card table with her friends. She’s lucky it wasn’t basketball season or I’d be over there all day with a TV for our “open house.”

Since the Tar Heels decided to take a break from the Final Four this year I got leave to go to see them play a football game at Notre Dame. This game was as cold as the Braves game was hot. (This is your cue to say “How Cold Was It!?!”). It was so cold we gave the other team the mitten. I stayed in Chicago and even hung out with some friends that I had met playing online computer games. My first Internet liaison! Julie’s comment on seeing our group picture was, “They look kinda normal.” She sounded a little disappointed. I suppose her expectations were raised by the “Weridos on the Internet” episode of Oprah.

Julie is now part-part-time at Bald Head Island. She resigned to stay home for a while with the kids but then they asked her to continue to help them with an interior design project. Just when she thought she was out; they pulled her back in!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Bradley “Pirate Dad” Coxe BradleyCoxe@charter.net
Julie “Editor in Chief” Coxe JulieCoxe@charter.net
Ella Katherine “El-Kat” Coxe EllaCoxe@charter.net
Gavin Andrew “The Hedgehog” Coxe GavinCoxe@charter.net
Hobbes “Far Too Cool For a Nickname” Coxe

Special thanks to:
Child Care Provider: A. Hugh Nokitov
Children’s Menu Advisor: Bea Ferrone
Cleanliness Inspector: Adolph Deflor
Russian Chauffeur: Picov Andropov
Barber: Buzz Wazletlov
Cat Feeder: Ken Opener
Typist: Diana Boredom
Soloists: Kerry Oki, Victor Yugo
Senior Ornithologist: Seymour Robbins
In-house Literary Critic: Al Ligori
Music Conductor: Juan Anatu
Christmas Coordinator: Carole Ling
Starting Point Guard: Justin D. Net
Pizza Chef: Ann Chovie
Criminal Defense Attorney: Gil T. Azell
Julie’s Ebay advisors: Lois Bidder and Selma Junkoff
Secret Santa Shopper: Donatello Nobatti
Jamaican Document Security Expert: Euripedes Upmann
Speech Writer (formerly employed by President Clinton): I. Justin Hale
Driving Instructor: Vera Bruptly
Julie’s Poker Instructor: Althea Andrasia