Welcome to the D List of Christmas letters where I steal all the best jokes from reruns of According to Jim and awkwardly shoehorning them into things I dimly recall the family doing in the last dozen months. I do recall angrily haranguing the rest of the family around August to do something funny for Christmas letter, but I was routinely ignored. They’ll remember this when you stop reading here and pick up the guy with the weather balloon’s letter. Since I’m typing this while watching “Jeopardy” and making snarky comments on the contestants, let’s organize this year based on Jeopardy categories.
Rock and Roll Stars
About as unlikely as a snowfall in Wilmington was my being cast in my first musical, “Buddy: The Buddy Holly Story.” It was about Buddy Holly (hence the name). I played the DJ in Texas who first discovered him. While I didn’t have a solo,(no sense in standing up the lead), I did participate in the chorus. Unfortunately my microphone was missing (for nine straight shows, what are the odds?) so you might not have gotten the full effect.
Billboard’s Top 100
Ella had an act in her school’s talent show singing Taylor Swift's “You Belong to Me.” The “Swiftets” were a big hit. I fully expect the song to get unstuck from my head by next year’s letter. Gavin attended every rehearsal but of course he wasn’t in the show. He knows the real money is in management.
However, he did decide to join Ella as talent in the church choir. I’m not sure what number rule of live performance is, but I’m pretty sure don’t do a double nose pick during your song is in the top ten.
Having a “Ball” (“Ball” is in quotations)
Gavin again was kicking the soccer ball around at the Y this year. His team this year was the “Railhawks” which I suppose are buddies with UNCW “Seahawks” and Dr. Dolittle’s “Push-Me-Pull-Me” on the Island of Made Up Animals. They actually played games this year but only the parents kept score. Gavin did pretty well, but he felt the need to apologize to the ball before he kicked it and a lot of times somebody kicked it away by the time he was done.
Meanwhile, Ella had more Tennis lessons. The park has expanded their courts so we have plenty of room to spray tennis balls all over. Gavin has fun running after the balls and picking them up for me when we practice. From Railhawk to Ballhawk. Ella then decided to use those balls in her science project. She tested cold, room temperature and hot balls to see which would bounce higher. As the lab tech, I just got to run the slow motion camera. She got to do all the fun stuff and dropping the balls through our testing tube.
Julie played no sports but did win a pretty big NCAA basketball pool. Amazing how she doesn’t know a Wildcat from a Bearcat but put money on the outcome and she becomes Jay Bilas.
The family all joined me for a Carolina football game in Chapel Hill this year against Clempson. Gavin really got into it and despite on insistent shoosing from the ABC branch of the family insisted on chanting “Orange is Ugly” throughout town.
Southern Cities
Julie and I took a trip to Hotlanta around Labor Day. One night we took in a Braves game. Our seats were so good, (first row behind the dugout) that Julie was forced to pay attention to the game, otherwise a line drive foul could have taken her head off. She did get to socialize with the usher who had to keep telling her that the dugout roof was not her bar table. Of course they were best friends by the end of the game. That’s how she rolls. Then on Saturday we went to the North Carolina v. LSU football game in the Georgia Dome. Not too hot, not too cold. It didn’t seem like a real football game without some kind of physical discomfort.
Mediterranean Countries
We got invited to take a trip to Italy this year. It started as a family trip, but by the time the flight got off the ground it wound up being just Julie and a girlfriend. The kids and I stayed home. Being gone for two weeks in late October, unfortunately (both for her and the aesthetics of the neighborhood) meant that she didn’t get input into the new Halloween decorations. When you have a four year old telling you that you have enough tacky decorations, I say: Mission Accomplished! Meanwhile, across the pond, Julie was having a great time touring Rome and Tuscany, eating great Italian food (or as they call it “food”) and drinking great wine (or as they call it “wine”). She wandered by the Vatican and had Sunday service with the Pope as he canonized a couple of saints. She thought she might put her name in for consideration but found out being married to me was not one of the officially sanctioned paths to sainthood.
Potent Potables
The family did take a trip to Virginia and Busch Gardens and Water Country USA in July. We got soaking wet on the log ride, and that was at Busch Gardens. Between the water, the giant family air dryer and the later bout of motion sickness, we had fun. The beer in the Oktoberfest tent saved me.
Al Gore
Once again climatologists scratched their heads and local weathermen blew off the dust from the snowflake graphic as we got a few inches of snow this year. After a few blocks hike, we found what passes for a hill in Wilmington and Gavin and Ella got to sled down a few times on an old beach raft, and destroy some local landscaping.
Pets
This is the part of the letter in which I tell you what the cat has been doing. Usually it is just eating and sleeping and the occasional…reverse eating. This year it was much the same although her timing was off a bit, with a week or two of refusing to eat, (spending a week at Spa Vet) followed by constant meowing for food. You know how they say animals are smart when they know what time it is and know when its time to eat? That’s not this cat. She is just smart enough to hang out by the food bowl all day and annoy anyone who happens to walk by.
Final Jeopardy
We are sticking the Christmas letter online in a special blogsite that will be up just as soon as Julie reviews every background on the Internet. How many can there be? Once her fingers get numb from typing, you can see this letter (and earlier much funnier year's letters) at http://coxeblog.blogspot.com/
Sign up and get the update for next year!
Happy Holidays Everybody!
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